THE SON OF THE JUNGLE

       

As the rotors of the Kenya Air force black hawk starts slowing down producing a sharp  whiling sound signaling the final decent of the military helicopter I cork my American made M-16 rifle and let myself drift away in the reality of being shot dead in the battle field.

I am a member of the elite 20^th paratroopers of the Special Forces in the Kenyan military. My country is at war and I am one of the first military personnel to land in the battle field. Behind I leave a girl am madly in love with. The thought of leaving her behind is clouding up my mind but I have to do this for the safety of my mother land.

I pray that she will believe in my words, “I will be back soon love” but all this will be put into test if I make it to come back home crippled or if I end up with a bullet lodged in my chest. We will be trying to make it work as we made the promise before the night I left but man deep in my heart I can feel these days will be hard.

Months later am still fighting knowing she is all laid up in bed with a broken heart. She has got all the time and freedom but I am not there to be with her. The thought of moving on is constantly crossing her mind. The distance and time is taking a toll on her. She starts wishing she had a son who would be reminding her of me but now the intangible words and memories are fast fading.

She starts dreaming of being with another man and finally she finds a man who she thinks might put her first. The man who will give her all his time and one she won’t have to share with the motherland. Once more she starts spending good days but her best days turn out to be some of my worst. As I spend sleepless nights and scorching days to fight for the motherland she is busy kissing another man. I volunteered to go and fight to ensure she will be safe but it seems this is something she can’t understand.

The thought of her doing the things we used to do together with another man gives me chills. For the first time I question her loyalty to me. Would she really spend her nights at our local bar drinking a bottle of wine while she talks and laughs with another man? To be honest with myself the gods have kept me alive in the battle field but the nightmares are taking the life out of me, so I send her a letter, “don’t give up on me baby am coming soon the war is ending soon”.

I light up the skies with mortals and bullet fire fighting the enemy. I look up at the stars and wish she was one of them looking down at me and being happy for me for devoting my life to keeping her safe. The moments we shared keep me determined to stay alive and get back home to be with her. 

We eventually win the war and as I board the air force military carrier I’m engulfed by fear and doubt. Have not heard from her in years so; I ask myself, “I’m I better off dead or I’m I better off going back alive but finding that she left me”.

So I dial her number to confess to her that I’m alive and back home to be with her, but all I hear from her is nothing. And for the first time in my life I see my nightmares come true. The girl that I have ever loved left me while I was at war. I look back at my friends standing behind me at the phone booth; I try to put on a smile but eventually I burst into tears. I envision her standing with her suitcase at the door of our home and I tell myself if I was there with her face to face I would have looked straight into her eyes and I would have brought her back to her senses.

Sometimes love is intoxicated and when you are coming back from war after dodging all those bullets and giving your best service to your country with you a chest full of medals you find your hands ego and mind shaking. To the world you are a hero but to your world you are a loser because she left while at war.

Now that you are gone I remember how we used to rule the world, seas would rise when we give the word, but now I wake up all alone the laughs and mocking I get from all the girls I turned down because I had you screaming in my mind. I remember how we expected to have our own paradise here, grow old and fat together, see our children rule the earth but the safety and passion of serving our motherland drives me away and life moves on but it gets hard on you so you finally decide to leave.

Now am camping on the streets of Nairobi looking for you. How do you expect me to move on while I’m still in love with you? People are talking about the guy that’s waiting on a girl. I’m hoping to come meet you, tell you I’m still in love; ask me questions about the war and then we go back to the start, running up in circles under the rain telling me how much you love me.

The lights go out and I can’t be saved, tides that I tried to swim against have brought me down upon my knees. I’m all draining in sweat, sweaty palms from hanging on too tight, eyes on fire burning from all the tears and I realize I will never get over you. I tie a knot look at the picture in my hand one more time and I let it go.